Post 2 of 10 · Thinking About What’s Next
The first untangling.
When someone asks who you are, how quickly does your job come up?
For most of us — especially in Singapore, where the first question at any gathering is “what do you do?” — the answer is almost immediate. We’ve spent two, three, sometimes four decades building a professional identity. Senior Manager. Regional Director. Partner. The title doesn’t just describe our role. For many of us, it has quietly become our self-concept.
Which is exactly what makes this moment so uncomfortable.
The cage we built for ourselves
Harvard professor Arthur Brooks writes about what he calls career identity addiction — the tendency of high achievers to bind their entire sense of self-worth to their professional achievements, influence, and title.
He puts it plainly: “You are not your job title.” It sounds simple. For many people in their 40s and 50s, it lands like a small earthquake.
Because if you’re not your title — if you’re not the role, the salary band, the number of reports — then who are you?
This is not a rhetorical question. It’s the actual work. And for most people, it’s the work that has to happen before anything else can.
What we heard in our conversations
A recent retiree we spoke with had spent years in IT, climbing steadily, doing the job well. Then one day, watching a colleague resign, something shifted:
“I started to think — is this the life for me? Maybe I should switch. Money is not that important. Health is more important. I had worked until I had no time to spend my money.”
— YC, left IT at 40, went on to pursue a new career in early childhood development
Another described the moment she realised her satisfaction at work had nothing to do with the function she was in — and everything to do with something deeper:
“I realised I was never actually excited about insights. I was excited about the process of cracking things. Solving problems. Connecting dots. The function was just the vehicle.”
— N, 35, made several career pivots starting at 30, currently in the intersection of policy and AI
Both of them had to do the same unglamorous work: separate what they did from who they were. Not to abandon their professional skills — those came with them. But to stop letting the title define the ceiling.
Three questions worth sitting with
These are not trick questions. They’re starting points. You don’t need to answer them today — but they’re worth writing down somewhere quiet.
Try these this week
- What would I want to be doing if no one was watching my LinkedIn?
- What has given me genuine energy in my career — not just satisfaction, but actual energy?
- If my job title disappeared tomorrow, what would remain?
The longer arc
Research by developmental psychologist James Marcia shows that people who actively question and explore their identity — rather than passively maintaining inherited roles — achieve the strongest and most stable sense of self over time.
Identity development does not stop in our 20s. It continues into our 50s and beyond. The discomfort you’re feeling is not regression.
Think back to last week. Was there a day where you felt genuinely settled — not distracted, not pushing something aside, just settled?
If you have to think hard, that’s your answer.
SecondAct 